Unspoken clues someone might benefit from a mental health first aid conversation

The signs and symptoms that point to someone developing or experiencing a mental health problem are not always overt. There are usually subtle signs, clues or behavioural changes that can allude to a need for support, connection or someone to talk to.

The amount of time we spend in our workplaces makes it an ideal setting to pick up on these subtle changes. We gain unique insights into our workmates as we watch them collaborate, innovate, solve problems and achieve their goals. We learn about how they like to work and their skills, knowledge and interests.

We might also get to know about who they are as a person, such as their daily habits, what makes them tick or how they react or respond to adversity or change.

The more we work with and get to know our colleagues, the easier it can be to notice when someone is under stress or if there are changes to their mood, behaviour or mental health. If you’re seeing a difference in the way a colleague reacts, behaves or copes, you might find that talking about their situation may be just what they need.

How to tell someone might benefit from a mental health conversation

It may not always be clear when someone might benefit from a mental health conversation, but the insights that we gather about our colleagues can form clues to a potential change in mood or circumstance.

Changes in behaviour or mood can demonstrate someone may be experiencing difficulties in their personal life or at work. Or, it may signal that they are developing a mental health problem.

A person might not show a significant change in their behaviour overnight. There may be a gradual change that becomes noticeable over time. Looking for a shift in behaviour or mood can help spot the signs that a mental health conversation may be beneficial.

For example, the potential need for a mental health conversation may present as:

Withdrawal

• A new reluctance to socialise
• New aversions to people, places or activities
• Withdrawing from discussion, participation or providing input
• Unpredictable or out-of-character behaviour  
• A change in hygiene or appearance

Disengagement

• Vagueness, forgetfulness or distraction
• Absenteeism, calling in sick or turning up late
• Disengaging with organisational activities
• Not completing work assignments on time

Changes to well-being

• Fixations with personal inadequacy, inferiority, worthlessness or incapability
• A reduction in patience or ability to problem-solve
• Boredom, procrastination, apathy or disinterest in tasks, projects and activities  
• Struggling to make simple decisions
• Overly self-deprecating or hopeless speech

Changes in mood

• Judgemental, disapproving or avoidant behaviours
• Anger, sadness or negativity
• A sudden aversion to reasonable input from managers or supervisors
• A change to leadership style, such as a punitive, critical or micro-managerial approach
• Aggressive, critical, competitive or combative behaviour towards others
• Hostile, quick-to-anger, or irritated reactions to people, intrusions, questions, or tasks
• Dour, derogatory or cynical speech

Presenteeism or workaholism

• A sudden zealousness for longer hours
• Working more hours to complete the same work
• An avoidance of home life

How to broach a discussion about a change in behaviour or mood

If you notice any of these changes with work colleagues, a mental health conversation might be able to help.

A few tips to keep in mind when broaching conversations about changes to mood or behaviour are to:

• Focus on the behaviour, not the person. Instead of saying “You acted poorly the other day”, try to reframe the conversation on the problem. For e.g., “The meeting last week didn’t go as expected. What was happening that day?”
• Remain objective, observe what has happened and recount the details without making assumptions or judgements. For e.g., say “From the outside, the situation looked like it lacked direction and focus. What was it like for you?” instead of “You looked like you didn’t know what you were doing”
• Avoid comparisons with someone’s past performance. Phrases like “You used to be so much better at this” are unhelpful and may reinforce feelings of self-doubt. Instead, focus on the present situation. For e.g., “The <project> seems behind schedule. What is that like for you?”   
• Ask them directly about the feelings behind their changes in behaviour or mood. For e.g., “What is that like for you?” or “How are you coping?”
• Listen to frustrations and problems even if there is no solution. For e.g., “That must be tough to deal with. How are you coping?”
• Paraphrase and reflect their meaning back to them. For e.g., Correct me if I have got it wrong, but is what you’re saying <reflecting their words back to them> and this is leading you to feel <use their words for emotions>?”
• Identify and query any presenteeism or workaholism in a gentle yet supportive way. For e.g., “You seem to burn the midnight oil of late. Is there any particular reason for that?”
• Look for comments and dialogue that might open the door to reframing the capability from working to personal situations. For e.g., “You mention you like managing tasks at work because you get to see the progress build over time. What would it be like for you to tackle the situation you’ve described as another form of project?”

General phrases that may also open the door to discussion are:

• “Would you like to talk about it?”
• “Some people find debriefing about work or life helps reduce stress. What would that be like for you?”
• “I’ve always admired your skill for <their strengths>. Would applying that now help you with your current situation?”
• “It’s been a while since we had the chance to chat. What’s been happening today?”

If you hear anything that leads you to wonder if the person may be having thoughts of suicide, it’s important that you use your suicide first aid skills and ask them directly.

Need a refresher? Have a look at the crisis guidelines in your MHFA Manual. Or if you’d like to learn more about first aid for suicidal thoughts, you might want to attend one of our specialised courses, Conversations About Suicide or Talking About Suicide.

But what if I get it wrong?

The beauty of a mental health conversation is that it is not a wasted exercise. Even if a mental health conversation doesn’t directly apply at the time, checking in on someone sends the powerful message that you care. It helps to create an environment that puts compassion at the forefront of how people communicate with one another. But most of all, it lets someone know that you will be there if they ever need a mental health conversation.